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WELCOME TO THE TILBURY TOWN
REAL ESTATE BOUTIQUE 

Last year our librarian Marion Decimal won the Tri-State Megabucks lottery.  Marion, being of generous heart and a devout Tilbury citizen, divided it amongst the local citizenry thinking to inspire the island economy into a much-needed spurt. What happened was that many of our best citizens elected to use their share of the windfall to move to points elsewhere. This propelled a lot of fine properties into the market.

There are many excellent reasons for not moving to Tilbury. But for those who persist, we offer the following selections from our REAL ESTATE BOUTIQUE catalog. Tours can be arranged.

A MOTHER-IN-LAW APARTMENT once graced the near end of this choice residence. No one remembers the name of the mother-in-law who, incidentally, was never seen again. A little sweat equity could restore this property into a solid investment.

FOR OVER FORTY YEARS this compelling little structure served as the club house for the Tilbury Town Duck Tape and Popcorn Society. As a result of a decline in membership, it boiled down to Berwick Finzer who, by default, became the owner of record. Berwick hasn't left town (against the advice of his attorney) but giving up a chance to make a buck is not on Berwick's agenda. His gain is your loss.

ONE OF NEW ENGLAND'S GREAT HOSTELRIE'S, the elegant though slightly faded Tilbury House is now available to the fortunate entrepeneur who can see the potential behind the chicken feathers. Fifty rooms can accommodate the heaviest of tourist seasons. If being a hostelier is not your cup of tea, you might consider gutting the entire inside of the building top to bottom. It would make one hell of a jai alai court!

DON'T LET APPEARANCES FOOL YOU! This warm and cozy waterfront property offers the weary toiler in the urban vineyard a truly private hide-a-way.  After a refreshing night's sleep in one or more of six bedrooms you will enjoy many dreamy hours adrift on the lazy Kennebec (which at this time of year is running a bit low as you may notice). Jimbo Jenkins is a real caulker and he has lent his considerable skills in restoring the boat for your pleasure. It's as riverworthy as the day it was built.

NOT FOR SALE, BUT WE THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW: This is the soon-to-be new home of our venerable Theatre-On-The-Fritz. Located right next to the Holy Mackerel Bar and Grill it has all the perks needed to breath new life into our community theatre. The down side is that Phil Duotang, an ordained minister, was recently called by the good people of the Something-For-Everyone Church which expected to meet here. The Tilbury Town Real Estate Boutique is hard at work trying to locate a suitable place of worship for Phil and his phlock.

FORMER THEATRE-ON-THE-FRITZ moments after the dust settled. Fortunately the dress rehearsal of Nicholas Nickelby had ended a half hour earlier and the cast had reassembled at the Holy Mackerel Bar and Grill, so no one got hurt. Investigators suspect that the dramatic collapse originated in the attic where Willie Whizzer stored his gravestone collection. A good effort by local volunteers could put this property back in shape again. Would make a nice church.

ONE OF TILBURY'S MOST DESIRABLE. When owners Chester and Tussy Philman took Marion's dole and moved upriver to Caratunk, the Real Estate Boutique got its prize property - this luscious 7-acre estate.  No sauna, but its unique tri-hole outhaus offers comparable social opportunities. The spacious hayloft on the top floor presents a charming alternative to the usual backyard swimming pool. Adults and children alike can romp around the authentic Slippery Elm roof rafters and, with squeals of delight, plunge into thirty-seven tons of antique hay stored there.

This is just a sampling of the many listings in our office. We welcome inquiries from around the globe and will do our best to make your time a total waste. Charon Schtix who operates the ferry service to Farmingdale also owns the Tilbury Bus and Bedlam service. We have just leased one of Charon's limosines (see below) so we can show you our many properties in ease and comfort.